Just “one more”
Just one more hour, just one more scroll, that’s all it takes to put you in a loop — a never-ending addiction of scrolling, comparison, and a lack of self-worth, always questioning your growth and whether there is any progress.
I always try to catch myself in a loop the moment I use social media apps forgetting that it's not real over there “Why don't I have this “ or “why don't I look like her” I tell myself consistently and the moment I'm done with my mindless scrolling, I'm left with a void or emptiness which feels physically draining but it's not at the same time.
With my eyes dry from all the screen exposure, my mouth has a bitter taste. I feel like I have to start my progress all over again, trying to convince myself that my endless scrolling was just for “fun.” Maybe I'm not romanticizing my life enough. Or maybe I'm not doing enough to live the kind of life I deserve. The concept of growth has completely escaped my mind and all of a sudden I'm at the beginning of where I found myself.
The loop continues “let’s check Instagram” I tell myself and I'm stuck doing that for 5 hours or more.
It's this fear of losing out, addiction, or “fun” that I question myself countlessly but yet no answer.